Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
