Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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