They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
