some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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