I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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