I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
