I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
