i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
