If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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