i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
