i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
