You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
