I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
