I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
