I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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