On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
