Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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