I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
