I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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