I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
