I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
