I feel great
I just peed on a car
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
