What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
