Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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