so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
