I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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