I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
