She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
