I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
