I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
