fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
