fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
the liver wants what the liver wants
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
