didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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