need another drink. this is the easiest way
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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