The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
