Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
