I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
that's an acceptable place to lick
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
we're making bets on your personal life
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
