dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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