So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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