Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
