So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
