Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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