it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
