drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
