No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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