I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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