I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pray to the hookup gods
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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