I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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