put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
