Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
