youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
