I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
