Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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